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I spiralled, I started smoking like crazy, a few fans every single night, which to some may not seem like a lot, but I was also mixing it with 38th Anniversary 1983 2021 Of The Bon Jovi Signatures Thank You For The Memories shirt , which if you don’t know has been shown to increase the effects of thc. I’d do a gram joint of sativa to get my brain going, then a cigarette to really kick it up a notch, then I’d do another joint or two of indica. I was also drinking, I was drunk multiple nights a week, and almost always to the point of vomiting. And then I also had the idea start taking shrooms, I was off the rails… but here’s where it gets somewhat existential, ontop of all the drugs in my system, for whatever reason, I also thought it was a great idea to burn through poetry by Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, and Bukowski, and read a ton of absurdist and existential philosophy, from Camus to Nietzsche, to Hegel and Wittgenstein. I also started heavily digesting Buddhist teachings and literature, and I would go to sleep most nights listening to Harvard or Yale psych and philosophy lectures, and as for music I was listening to all sorts of psychedelic rock, as well as melodramatic shit like The Doors and Nick Cave.