Its gotten to the point over the past several years since maybe 6th grade ive had suicidal All American mom 4th of july usa family matching shirt regularly and i turn to terrible coping mechanisms like sex (i got assaulted by a guy at school before and it really hurts because i couldnt even tell my own mom because im still traumatized by her calling me a slut when i was little for hitting puberty saying i want to show off my boobs to my fucking DAD or something crazy), drinking, binge eating and throwing up/starving myself, cutting, and never have i failed a class before until highschool or ever really had bad grades but you can really see the decline there too. I wake up every day feeling like shit and looking like shit, my body literally aches so much from the stress.
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First ever time shes threatened to kill me i was in elementary school and i dont remember what i did to set her off, but she was yelling at All American mom 4th of july usa family matching shirt all evening into the night. She chased me to try and beat me but i ran outside and hid. When i came back in she was screaming and pulled the wood part off a chair and threw it at me so i ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. She scratched on the door with a knife and said she was “gonna fucking kill me”. Later that night she came in my room with it cornering me in my bed and telling me not to sleep because she will kill me in my sleep. I didnt sleep. She didnt kill me. But i was terrified. There was several other times shes done that. But that one was the most scary. (She also pulled a gun on my brother before but thats another story and why he got the hell out of this house)