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Also, you get to choose the name you call your step parents when you are an adult. The fact that they may wish you to call them a name which implies more intimacy than you want to have is a control Ball Mom Autism Soccer Mom Autism Awareness Shirt , and forces you into a subservient role. The whole pretending to be nice is in fact a manipulative behavior, much like dog whistling, where the niceness itself is a very subtle form of insulting you, especially when it is around someone else. It is saying that look, I could be nice if I want to, I am going to show everyone else how nice I am, and then they wont believe whatever you say I do when we are alone. This is a well used abuser tactic.