0Imagine a Can’t touch this Buffalo shirt, round, clear glass jar. This will be your mental health in this picture. The empty jar is you without any worries, responsibilities and you’re happy and relaxed and carefree because there’s all this empty space in your jar to breath. Now, stones start going into the jar a little at a time. These stones represent the things which are most important to you. For instance, a stone for each kid, intimacy is a stone, personal hygiene, health, paying bills, maybe your career is a top priority in life. Soon, with each stone added, your jar fills to the top, but there’s still plenty of breathing room in the jar because stones are round and leave plenty of gaps. You’re busy, but you’re still pretty satisfied with life. But, uh oh, all of the sudden sand starts pouring into the jar, filling any and all pockets of air between the stones until the top of the jar over-fillng with sand. This sand is all those little things you’ve now started to worry about, like perhaps vacuuming daily, washing all the dishes, taking extra work shifts, taking on burdens of other people, etc. All those little sand pieces fill the jar to a point of oxygen suffocation. There is no room left to breath. This is where you are now, filled to the brim and suffocating. Start emptying your jar of sand. Give yourself permission to breath. Learn to say no to yourself and others. Take time outs in your day to reprioritize. Dump the sand!
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A hard situation to be in; I’ve been in similar. Sometimes you have Can’t touch this Buffalo shirt, because they can’t control themselves. Even if a bipolar person doesn’t mean to hurt their partner, the fact that they do is enough. I hope she gets help and you both have a healthier relationship and are able to model a better relationship for your kids. But if things don’t get better, you’ll need to consider what’s best for the kids. Two fighting parents modelling an unhealthy relationship, a stressed, unhappy, angry father, or two happier, but separated parents? Can you be the person you want to be and know you can be, for yourself and your kids, while remaining in this relationship? Or is it taking a toll and scarring you for the long term? Pros and cons for leaving and staying. Whether she gets help and whether the doctors etc can help her, will determine a lot it seems. Good luck.