Not A Mule Shirt

Not A Mule Shirt

This came with a lot of other stat modifiers as well, of course. We decided that such a Not A Mule Shirt would still be pretty strong, but not 19 strength strong, so we downgraded that. We figured that it would definitely have higher than 6 dex, considering that it had hated being clumsy, so we gave it above-average dex. There were other adjustments that were made as well, but most of those were minor. We’d decided that our fancy magical-equivalent-of-bionic ancient Awakened Tree had upgraded / downgraded from the traditional slam attack (Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: (3d6 + 4) bludgeoning damage.) to a more focused piercing lance type attack; it had converted its own limbs into stabbing implements, because that’s quieter than hitting people with entire tree branches. It did considerably less damage but could be used for sneak attacks. Speed was upgraded from 20ft to 40ft because of course it would be. An 8ft tall wooden assassin wouldn’t be very good at its job if it wasn’t able to move scary quick when needed, now would it?

A lot of the complaints new DMs have is how the players derailed their campaigns and all the Not A Mule Shirt work they did. This makes them want to run the next sessions more on rails so their work doesn’t get wasted. This is a mistake and frankly a no-no for any DM. Never get too attached to your scenario and always be prepared to roll with whatever the players are trying to do. Be fair about it. I let the dice decide if their antics and shenanigans work or not, all within reason. Many times my players attempt tricks to avoid combat or make thing easier, but if the roll goes badly or their reasoning wasn’t good enough for me I let them crash and burn. Yet there are times when I even let them have a free dragon kill because their argument was convincing and they rolled good enough.

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Make your NPCs useful. Skalacon is very useful because he is, in a Not A Mule Shirt , a benefactor to the player characters. Being the Curator of Magic, he buys magic items from the players — he gives them money or gems in exchange. He trades magic items with them. One item the players decided to part with, won them a small stone keep just outside of town. The players earned a home of their own. Thank you, Skalacon. Now, let’s count them up: he is powerful, has status, and it’s beneficial to remain friends for his arcane dealings. That’s 3 things to his credit. I don’t have to worry about Skalacon getting beaten or killed by player character murder hobos. See?

The family has moved into their own home now, an older home (still nice, but no high ceilings and not many elf hiding places!), and the children have both multiplied AND grown older, taller, and Not A Mule Shirt. The Elf game is now the bane of the mom’s existence. Hiding it is a task. Several times this year, the Elf hasn’t had to go back to Santa because the kids were SO good the day before, thus explaining why he remained in the exact same hiding spot as the previous day. One evening, the mom is flustered. She finally hands the Elf to the dad and says,  you hide the #%)(#^# elf today, but hide it high, because Big M is testing the waters and going to touch the #%(^#^ thing.” Dad’s answer is less than ideal – not only is the perch precarious, but it’s easily within reach of at least the oldest child, if not the second oldest as well. And it’s possible the elf is also judging the thermostat temp, which is an ongoing passive aggressive battle between mom (who sits at home and freezes all day) and dad (who pays the bills, but also works in his nice warm office all day).