Someone once explained greif to me in this way, and it really resonated with Otter Is My Spirit Animal Tshirts. Helped me put into words how it seemed like it worked for me. Greif is like a box with a button in it. There is a ball in this box. As this ball rolls around, it hits the button. The button represents the feelings of loss and all the pain that comes with it. In the beginning this ball is huge. It hits the button all the time as everything reminds you of this person and the wound is fresh. Over time the ball gets smaller and begins to hit the button less, but it does still find the button. And when it does, it doesn’t hurt any less. Same button same pain as when the loss was new.
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I think it depends, since we don’t know what their actual relationship was before the Otter Is My Spirit Animal Tshirts, for all we know they might only meet one or twice. Since a 1yr ago there was a woman that did something similar to OPs wife on AITA and everyone said she was NTA. (the story always stuck to me) She lost her husband (she was widowed) and she was willing to date people but refused to let her children meet the guy and refused to remarry. She told them the relationship was just simple dating/fwb. Situation. She did this for 2+ years with some dude but the dude ultimately wanted more and that’s when she broke up with him (she called him a fwb in front of his family that’s why she had an AITA post) but unlike that person OP might’ve been fine with that type of relationship, and it seems the only reason they got married was because she got sick and needed help. It’s not something the mom wanted to do.