This hurts the most as my husband said a year into our marriage he was growing weary of helping me with my Phoenix Suns Western Conference Champions 2021 T-shirt and if it didnt get better, he couldnt picture him living a life like that for long. Basically saying he would divorce me because of a condition I cannot control (scoliosis). But he says he will never give up on his brother. He has since apologized and said he said those things about me in a moment of weakness, but it always remains in the back of my mind.
Him pooling all of our finances (me, husband, BIL, MIL) also bothers me. His brother works maybe 2 days max at their family’s business and is a grown 33 year old man. It makes me annoyed that the pooled finances will be used to buy a house for his brother and mother which will enable him further to not do anything with his life IMO. The lines of which portion of the money is who’s is blurred, so while my husband states only the portion of money they made will be used for the house, I will not be sure of that. Husband says he can compromise to separate the finances, but I don’t know if he will do that for sure (as the money is placed in investments).
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Should I continue to give him a Phoenix Suns Western Conference Champions 2021 T-shirt? Is it possible for him to change? How long should I continue before deciding whether to “cut my losses”? I am so torn; I love him and he has all the qualities I look for in a man, except it seems to me i dont come as a priority in the relationship and I feel not secure in our relations. While I can understand helping family for a season, this seems like it will always be this way, especially with the unknown variable of if his brother will ever get better.
Edit to clarify a bit: in regards to finances, I dont worry too much at this point as I barely contributed during the 2 years we were married as I was in school half the time and worked only part time the other half. Because of this my husband thinks I “should be grateful” I am a part of this pool of money