Oh honey! All the love to you. I know how hard it is to grapple with your spirituality and See ya later Loki Gator shirt. It’s even harder to form and belong to a community of like minded believers and then realize you don’t actually belong to that community. The best advice I have for you is to be honest and try to seek other people who believe similarly to you if you are seeking the community aspect. I’ll say that once my kids hit a certain age I didn’t care anymore about finding a community, but when they were younger I definitely questioned my spirituality. I was looking for that group that could support my family emotionally and spiritually. I never found it but I found peace in myself and practicing without a community. I lost many friends and my in-laws moved away (though that definitely had more to do with my wife coming out as trans than my spirituality), but in the end, I am happy with myself, and that’s the key to a good life.
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My advice to you is to consider that you shouldn’t be seeking spirituality for your children or your See ya later Loki Gator shirt. Your children are individuals who, of course should be guided in ethics and values by their parents, but they have their own identities and paths. And, you can have a healthy and happy marriage even if you and your husband don’t share the same faith. Faith is what you make it.
I grew up in a Christian cult (WWCOG), from ages 16-22 I considered myself a Buddhist, 22-24 I was agnostic, 24-31 I was a born again Christian and last year I discovered Wicca and it hit me like no belief system ever has. My husband, raised Catholic, has supported me through my journey but has been consistently agnostic the entire time. He is receptive to my spiritual beliefs/ideas and we connect on many of them, but not all of them. I discovered a long time ago that I can’t pigeonhole him into a religion and honestly I wouldn’t want to.