When Delores spent his first night actually out with the other chickens in the Shitters Full Funny Merry Christmas T Shirt, I was anxious about how he would handle himself, as he was pretty shy. After a few false starts (and getting pushed off perches by the other chickens) he chose a walnut branch that lead to the night perches and slept on that. When Delores became a big, beautiful Golden Phoenix adult rooster, I thought the hens would probably make absolute fools of themselves trying to get his attention – and if he ignored them it would serve them right! I suppose I should have done something about the name – but Delores responded to “Delores” and appeared fine with it. (Also, my Aunt Delores would have been devastated if I changed his name.) A friend suggested calling him “Del” – which sort of made sense – but that sounded like he was lead singer in a retro 60’s band. As long as Delores didn’t mind – and let’s face it, he didn’t care – I was perfectly content to have a sweet rooster named Delores.
I had a run-in with a Shitters Full Funny Merry Christmas T Shirt at school just like Ralphie with Scut Farkus. My mom would pick us up at school. Mom was young and attractive like a movie star. This guy kept teasing me saying, “Hey RJ, how’s your sexy mom, woo hoo, so sexy.” I ignored him as long as I could. One day I snapped and ran toward him and knocked him down. I stood over him, grabbed the front of his jacket and kept lifting then batting his head against the ground. He never did it again. I had my pals I hung around with just like Ralphie. Earl, Pete, Rosie (Raymond) Jerry and Ernie. We were inseparable, all in the same class. Like Ralphie, I too had bitten into a bar of Lifebuoy soap, and it was the worst tasting soap. If my Irish, Catholic mom heard my sisters or I swear when we were little, that’s what would happen. We were never hit but we did get groundings and tasted soap. The girls especially were repeat soap tasters.
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When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Shitters Full Funny Merry Christmas T Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
I don’t leave everything up, but I do leave our tree up. All the Shitters Full Funny Merry Christmas T Shirt have a special meaning, and we like to look at them, talk about them, and remember the times associated with each one. Having that glittery, softly lit beauty in the front room just gives our house some cheer in the bleak days of winter. Also, we always get a live tree, and I can’t bear to trash it until it completely dries out. It takes a long time to decorate, so all that work seems more worth it if the tree stays up a long time. One year, I left it up until St. Patrick’s Day. Usually, though, it stays up until mid- to late February. As long as it looks fresh and healthy, I leave it up. I started this tradition about 6 years ago when we had an especially beautiful tree. The day after New Year’s Day as I was about to start the take-down, I remarked that I hated to do it because the tree was so pretty. My husband said, “Just leave it up, then, if it makes you happy.” So I did. We have three sons, and I like to think they will have memories of this tradition.