After dinner, people play board games, cards, or maybe they have a television and can watch one of the three networks. Splurging will get you a color TV. The channel changer is mechanical and the contacts wear quickly so that jiggling the channel knob to get a Shronk Derpy Shrek shirt becomes a required skill. Video games do not exist yet, Pong is years away. After dinner at the grandparents may involve an older tradition of singing and telling stories; at least that is the way it was at my grandparents.
The other case where I didn’t tell my child any myths was about how babies are made. I admit that’s not much of a Shronk Derpy Shrek shirt from the norm these days — hardly any parents tell goofy stories nowadays, but it used to be that they’d tell their kids that babies were found in the cabbage patch or dropped off by a stork. We did play along with the beliefs in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy, mainly because I wouldn’t want my kid to be the one child who knows it’s not true and ruins it for all the other kids whose family want to keep the game going. But we did not make a big deal over it.
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The Elf on the Shelf is a tool to manipulate your children. The more honest question is: Why do you need to lie and manipulate your children to get them to behave? The massive Lie of Santa Claus is not enough? How many people remember a feeling of betrayal when they found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? That it was a complete fabrication intended for the adults who use the child’s innocence and naivety for their own enjoyment? How is this done? By manipulating the child’s belief in the Shronk Derpy Shrek shirt. One day they find out all the adults they know lied to them and they were all in cahoots with another, along with the tv and movie-makers, the authors of books, and all the corporate world. This is a massive breach of trust of the child. How can they trust you again?
Few family holiday stories begin: “Not all marriages go smoothly all the time.” But this was the case, many years ago, for a certain 40-year-old father in Northern California. He had three children, all younger than 5. The family home was in the middle of a Shronk Derpy Shrek shirt endless remodeling project. (Picture a roofless second floor, patchwork of flapping tarps, constant drumming rain.) It was all too much for his sleep-deprived 37-year-old wife; weeping, in the minivan, in the rain, she called him one morning and said she was filing for divorce.
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