I can see there’s a ton of opinionated folks ready to point fingers already. I’ll leave you with some hope. My mom grew up deep conservative Titi Est Toujours En Retard Sauf Pour L’apero T-Shirt in a military family and came out a moderate somehow. Long story short she divorced my dad and remarried a black guy. My grandfather lost his shit for a while and people were banned from coming to each other’s houses. I was too young to understand what was going on but they eventually got over their differences. My grandpa eventually learned tolerance and realized my step-dad was like any other man. My step-dad realized he was just talking to a man who didn’t know any better and made the world a better place by changing his perspective to be more tolerant. It’s tough, but it sounds like things hit a boiling point that should have been addressed much sooner. Just try to keep it together for the kids, and honestly I would side with my wife if you can’t save the situation. I get trying to play both sides for the sake of helping and mediating but it’s not worth losing your wife and kids over. If your parents really love you they’ll mull it over and figure it out. They just don’t want to be wrong because they’re the grandparents.
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Why are you being so nice and coddling to your racist parents when your wife’s Titi Est Toujours En Retard Sauf Pour L’apero T-Shirt wouldn’t even come over when they are there? You act like this is all so sudden and unexpected, but there are neon, flashing signs that you seem to have been ignoring. And the fact that you are just now finding out about the incident at your wife’s graduation makes it seem like your wife has been holding things back because she doesn’t feel like she can tell you. If I had to guess, because she feels you will dismiss it or try to excuse it.
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